I survived Thanksgiving with 13 members of my immediate family and no one got hurt, not physically or emotionally! Both of my brothers, their wives and children, my parents and my husband and son dined, played, reminisced, laughed, joked, ate, drank and ate some more and a good time was had by all.

The best part of the entire long weekend was I didn’t leave my house until Sunday when I attended church and a movie with my two favorite men. I avoided shopping and crowds. I read, slept, cleaned a bit and enjoyed being in my house and being with my family. I looked at the pictures in the paper and on TV of the crowds at the mall and at stores on the day after Thanksgiving, saw those people lined up on sidewalks and pushing to get in to buy all kinds of supposedly “hot” merchandise with disbelief and a certain amount of disgust. My job as an HIV educator takes me to the local homeless shelter on a weekly basis and hearing people talk about having their winter coat stolen and seeing these poor souls with so very little in the way of worldly possessions takes the sparkle out of shopping for latest video game for me.

The gift that means the very most to me at this point in my life is my time and attention. Part of my job also entails testing people for HIV, which involves spending at least 30 minutes counseling and testing a client and as a consequence you develop an extraordinarily personal relationship with a virtual stranger in a very short amount of time. When someone is pouring out their shame and their sadness in front of you, there is a realization that you can’t heal them or even fix a fraction of what ails them but what you can do is validate them, listen to them and be attentive to them in that moment. That’s what I’m trying to do every day. I’m attempting to live in this moment, every moment of every day. All too often in my life I found myself rushing through the day missing the moments that made each day so precious that at the end of the day I couldn’t really distinguish one day from the one before. When my son was little, he used to slow me down by calling my attention to the details of the cracks in the sidewalk, the insects, the sunsets, the pools of water that shimmered so beautifully in the light. The details that only small children seem to notice. Sometimes when I feel frazzled, I take a moment to breath, in through my nose and out through my mouth and I can immediately feel myself relax. When I look out the windows of my living room I can watch a leaf fall from a tree or a bird hop from one branch to another and in that moment I feel peaceful. These are the moments that make my day special or unique. Sometimes clients make me laugh or say something that makes me feel hopeful and I cling to those moments. Everyone has a life outside these walls and if you stay present to the moment and look hard enough you’ll find it. People just want and need to be heard but you have to listen to discover it. I know this job has changed me forever because when I see people on the street instead of looking past them or through them I look into their eyes and I see them as people, not as bums or street people but as God’s creations. I can no longer look away.

There was a moment of tension at the start of the holiday dinner when I was feeling picked on (by certain members of my family which shall remain nameless) and in that moment I was feeling about 12 years old again and extremely victimized and alone. My father chose that moment to recall the sermon he had heard at church that week in which the priest talked about family tension during the holidays and how easily it was to fall back into old patterns of fighting and tension. He advised letting hurtful remarks slide and roll off your back and I took that to heart and chose to let my hurt feelings go and in a few moments the tension eased and I can’t recall another tension filled moment the rest of the weekend. I don’t know if I’m getting more mature or my dad is just a great peace maker or maybe I’m getting better at living in the moment but I’m so grateful to have had the chance to spend time with my entire family this holiday weekend and I feel blessed to know that we all love each other and are still speaking to each other! That’s better than any gift you can buy in the mall.