I've been in a funk. I've been known to take part in some long bouts of self-pity and doubt and I guess that's what I've been suffering from for the past month or so. The feeling of being stuck in a dark place where no one can see or hear you. The feeling that you'll never move forward or be recognized for the brilliant, talented person that you know yourself to be. The despair of watching other far less talented people prosper, while you labor in obscurity. Maybe it was all those years in show business where I had my ego fed daily that makes me long for recognition. I crave an audience and have none.

Anyway, after a month long absence from church, I found myself sitting in my increasingly popular inner-city, Franciscan church on Sunday, hearing a sermon that I needed to hear. Father Patrick (he's the young good looking one that makes all the nuns giggle and blush) spoke about his child-hood and the pain of growing up with an alcoholic mother. Father Patrick's epiphany of hope was sparked by the gospel of Abraham, where Abraham is willing to sacrifice his only child because he believes it is God's will.

I stand in awe of such strong faith. I am weak and constantly in need of support and reinforcement of my belief. I can recall several times of deep despair where I felt that God had turned away from me. Father Patrick spoke of the people who live in constant pain and yet find the strength to offer kindness to others. Those trapped in dead-end, difficult jobs that manage to bring joy to their work. I felt ashamed as he spoke. Guilty that I was pissing and moaning because I'm not well compensated or recognized for my work, when others suffer in far more grievous circumstance.

I do believe there is a plan, that God is watching and that we are all important in God's eyes. The hang up is the tough times, the waiting and praying that things will get better. Fortunately for me, they do get better but never ever in my time frame. I drove past a Baptist church sign today with one of my favorite quotes on it and I viewed that as a sign to buck it up. I wonder if the Baptists know that "Be the change you wish to see in the world" came from the world's most famous Hindu, Gandhi?

I will gather my strength to face tomorrow but I'll be praying tonight to be the person who can bring joy to a hopeless situation and can be strong in my faith that things will get better... they always do.